Speaker 1: 0:10

Hey there, I'm Jenny Perez. I'm a wife, mom and small business owner and although I love being all of those things, I'm at the point where I feel like there's something more to life outside of those roles. Does that sound like you? If you're in search of that extra magic, craving a dose of positivity, purpose and real talk on being worthy, capable and able, you're in the right place. Let's kick off this journey together. Ignite that spark, radiate some positivity and discover what makes your life and business truly shine. Ready to jump in. Let's spark some radiance together. Hello and welcome to the Sparking Radiance podcast. I'm Jenny Perez. Kind of like a DJ, I'm going to switch it up on you guys. Chika, chika, I am going.

Speaker 1: 1:00

I normally end with like a quote or with a reading, but this episode I'm going to actually start with one. So the quote is learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. And that's by Albert Einstein, very powerful quote learn from yesterday, live for today and hope for tomorrow. And I start with that quote because there have been some thoughts that have been going through my mind and it could be because we're nearing the end of the year. We start to get in the sentiment of this year flew by fast. I may or may not have achieved certain goals that I had set for myself at the beginning of the year, and towards the end, I feel like we have a lot of sentiment of reflection, reflection of what happened during that year. And towards the end, I feel like we have a lot of sentiment of reflection, reflection of what happened during that year. And so, as I was thinking these thoughts, one of the things that came to my mind was what is it or what is the reason? What do you, or how do you handle, per se, those feelings that you feel when you want to give up? How do you attack that? Because I think we've all been there. We've been in places or moments in our life where we're not seeing the results. Things are not happening fast enough for us, things are not going the way that we want. It could be relationships, business, personal, but we're not seeing the results fast enough that we anticipated when we originally started out, when we set that goal.

Speaker 1: 2:27

And I think this topic is coming to me because I feel that there are a few of you, or quite a few of you listening that may have the same sentiment. Why is it taking so long? Why am I continually battling hurdle and obstacles and what do I need to do to not give up? Because at the end of the year, it is like the ripe season to give up and the majority of us give up on our goals, give up on what we had set for ourselves at the beginning of the year. A couple of reasons, right, we said, well, I can always reset next year, but what I have found is that people in this last quarter of the year who stick to their goals and who continue on the path they had set for themselves will continue. That will just be a trickle effect or a wave effect into the next year. So let's talk about that.

Speaker 1: 3:26

Like what do we do when we have those feelings of giving up? Because there's so many things that we have given up in life, but why? Let's dig in deeper into why we gave up and how can we combat that when we are trying to achieve our goals. And here's why it's so important for us to understand the feelings that we associate with giving up is because anything worthwhile in life, anything worthwhile in life, it's not easy. It's not when we think about our physical health. If that were the case, we would all be in the gyms, we would all be working out. But it's hard, it's hard, it's hard to choose that health path and commit to that health path. It's hard to choose that health path and commit to that health path. If it were so easy for all of us to start businesses, to pursue our passions and to drive an income source from that, we would all do that as well. We would all be business owners. If it was easy for us to share ourselves relationally with others, we would be more open, we wouldn't be as hidden, it wouldn't be so hard, but anything worthwhile. We would be more open, we wouldn't be as hidden, it wouldn't be so hard, but anything worthwhile we all know this anything and worthwhile. It takes time and it's hard to do. But why, if we know that, why do we, these feelings of giving up, always seep right back into us? So here's step number one.

Speaker 1: 4:41

When we have that thought of of I want to give up, the first thing we need to do is pause, breathe and acknowledge. When you are feeling overwhelmed, it's so easy to get caught up in the cycle of negative thoughts, even to the point of tension. Feel your body when you have that feeling. What do you feel. Are you tight in your neck? Are you tight in your back? Feel those feelings, acknowledge those feelings and take a few moments to practice breathing. It'll activate a release within your system but also to acknowledging it. It allows you to become aware and it does not allow for you to be consumed by the feeling. If you're aware of what's going on in your head and what's going on with your physical body, you'll be able to combat or to counter that feeling. This small step can help you stay grounded. It'll help you have power over your mind and it'll help you tackle whatever it is obstacle or setback that's in front of you from achieving your goal.

Speaker 1: 5:48

The second thing that you want to do when you are wanting to give up is you need to reflect. Reflect on what it was initially that inspired you to set that goal. Okay, what was it that it initially inspired you to set that goal? Write it down. And the reason why you want to write it down is because it helps you reconnect to what was driving you towards that goal. Anyway, you want to ask yourself questions of what was I hoping to achieve? Why does this matter in the first place? Remembering that your original reason for going after that path was. It helps you rekindle the motivation that you had when you first started, and so the challenges that you're facing become less powerful. So, for example, if I am struggling to commit to health and I'm struggling to commit to a schedule to be in the gym or work out at home or take my walks at home, and I'm experiencing setbacks from that, one of the things that I can ask myself is what was the reason for me setting this goal? Well, I wanted to sleep better at night, I wanted to feel better, I wanted to find a way to lower my cortisol levels by committing to a healthier lifestyle. So you are basically explaining back to yourself, giving yourself motivation as to why you originally set the goal in the first place. When you reflect on your why, think of it as a marker. It's a marker or a point that you can go back to. That will give you clarity, will remind you Because a lot to see and give us the motivation to continue to pursue that why, regardless of what is ahead of you. Okay, so reflecting on your why, reflecting on the why you are setting that goal, is very, very powerful because it's kind of like a reset. It reminds you that you can focus. You're basically shifting the focus from what's in front of you the hurdle, as we've talked about before but you're shifting the focus back on the purpose or the reason for you trying to achieve that goal.

Speaker 1: 8:20

Now, a third way we can tackle the thought of giving up is by breaking down big tasks. Okay, so when we set goals a lot of times and we've talked about this before when we set these huge goals for ourselves, they seem unattainable. They become. The larger they are, the more crazy they seem and the thoughts of how am I going to get there? As time goes on or as setback or hurdle, present themselves in real life. We then they just seem so distant, they just seem to block. But when we break things down into smaller tasks, the big tasks then become smaller and they became more achievable. If we pick the smallest step, it can take us one step further and one step further.

Speaker 1: 9:07

And maybe it's just us starting, for example, if our plan is to become the top salesperson within our company's organization, that the goal in itself seems so hard and so far-fetched. However, if we break that down into smaller steps and we focus on what we can control, initially it makes the goal seem more attainable. And then what happens is, by breaking it down into tiny parts, you have a sense of control and accomplishment and it'll help you build momentum without feeling overwhelmed of the big picture. So if I'm trying to be the top salesperson within my organization, within my business, maybe I don't focus on what the number is, but maybe I can focus on what the activity, the activities that will get me to that goal. So if I know that I have to meet with X amount of customers each day in order for me to hit that sales goal, it becomes more manageable for me.

Speaker 1: 10:02

And I want to share a story actually about breaking it down and kind of diving into that and what that means. And I think, when we break things down, it gives me an example of willpower. Okay, because when you break things down, you have a sense of control, or you're given a sense of control because you're able to manage things smaller things versus the larger, bigger things. So what that creates is that creates confidence in you and it gives you the willpower to continue going forward. So I want a question well, what does it mean to have willpower? What exactly does willpower mean? It's a word that we use interchangeably so many times, but what does it actually mean to have willpower? The willpower is a person's ability to control their own actions in order to pursue long-term goals. So it's control exerted to do something or restrain impulses. So if we break it down into smaller segments, we innately are able to control more. That within pours into our willpower because it gives us the ability to have a sense of control when we are pursuing our long-term goals. So let me give you an example. In the book the Power of Habits by Charles Duhigg, he talks about something specific to willpower and to Starbucks. Let me read you this little section here. But it says For Starbucks, willpower is more than an academic curiosity.

Speaker 1: 11:29

When the company began plotting its massive growth strategy in the late 1990s, executives recognized that success required cultivating an environment that justified paying $4 for a fancy cup of coffee. It's more than that. Now we know that the company needed to train its employees to deliver a bit of joy alongside lattes and scones. So early on, starbucks started researching how they could teach employees to regulate their emotions and marshal their self-discipline to deliver a burst of pep every serving morning. Unless baristas are trained to put aside their personal problems, the emotions of some employees will inevitably spill into how they treat customers. However, if a worker knows how to remain focused and disciplined even at the end of an eight-hour shift, they'll deliver the higher class of fast food service that Starbucks customers expect.

Speaker 1: 12:24

The company spent millions of dollars developing curriculums to train employees on self-discipline. Executives wrote books that, in effect, serve as guides to how to make willpower a habit in workers' lives. Those curriculums are, in part, why Starbucks has grown from a sleepy Seattle company into a behemoth with more than 17,000 stores and revenues of more than 10 billion a year. And I don't know when this book was written, but this could be outdated, right, so it's very important. So they knew that their employees were going to come in with these emotions that they carried because they were experiencing things in their lives, but they wanted to be able to teach them how to restrain from reverting back to those thoughts and those concerns that they had in their life. But they taught them willpower, and I think that's very important.

Speaker 1: 13:12

When we focus on willpower and the ability to control how we are feeling, then the feelings they themselves have less impact on us completing the goal or, in this case in Starbucks, them completing an eight hour shift in a positive manner so that the customers could experience that. So number four here is something else you can do when you want to give up Lean on others for support. A lot of times, when we're not hitting our goals, we're kind of reluctant to reach out to people, right, because and we've talked about this before we don't want to burden them. We're kind of reluctant to reach out to people, right Because and we've talked about this before we don't want to burden them. But when we do share with people who care about us, one of the things that they will do is they will be able to provide us a relief, or maybe possibly a relief of the frustrations that we're feeling. But they can also provide us with valuable advice as well, and we've talked about that leaning into others, leaning on others for support. It gives us the opportunity to hear those thoughts loudly. So and I know you have experiences before, but you've ever, have you ever talked to somebody? And as you're talking to somebody, you actually find your solution right, because it's just you simply voicing your challenges and then you hearing it out loud. It allows your brain to process it differently and then it would bring the answer or the solution, or sometimes just bring clarity to your situation. So releasing and sharing with others, leaning on others for support, is another way to help yourself when you want to give up. They may be able to give you solutions or options that weren't clear to you before prior to you sharing to them. A fifth way that you can help yourself when you want to give up is you don't necessarily have to quit, but maybe just make an adjustment. So sometimes when we feel stuck or overwhelmed, it really is just a matter of us tweaking our approach right. So a small change might have a different path that can become more manageable.

Speaker 1: 15:09

And I always my family here, we like to watch this show I think it's on the History Channel, like the foods that made America or the things that made America. But whenever you hear these stories and it could be people that maybe developed brands that we know today, like cookies or fast food restaurants or certain household products, but a lot of times when they had an issue, when they had a breakthrough, I should say was right before when it actually was a problem or hurdle. So, for example, and what they did is they may have changed or adjusted the formulary that created the breakthrough, and I think of the example we were watching not too long ago. But the Hot Pockets, the creators of the Hot Pockets. They were trying to solve a problem of how can we get this pizza pocket to not only be made quickly but also not lose, not be soggy. And so they tweaked, or they adjusted their technique and I think that's when they developed the outside layer, that kind of like metal slide thing that it goes through when you do put in the microwave or in the oven for it to kind of keep its crispness. But they made an adjustment and they didn't quit. They still pursued the goal and Hotbox is obviously a mega brand, right, but adjust.

Speaker 1: 16:27

So when you are feeling those feelings of giving up, it's not a matter of quitting, it's a matter of just making small or minor adjustments. Scientists, anyone in the medical profession, any kind of research, you know this. A lot of times it's just making that small adjustment can make a huge impact. So think about whether the small changes might make your path more manageable. And if you're feeling worn out, maybe it's time to just take a small break, maybe lighten your workload a little bit and we've talked about taking breaks before. But it's just making a minor adjustment so that you don't do not quit. It'll allow you to keep moving forward without abandoning your goals entirely. Okay, so, small, small increments. Making small adjustments allows you to see see things more clearly.

Speaker 1: 17:12

Okay, the sixth thing when you are feeling overwhelmed and wanting to quit, be nice to yourself. Practice compassion. When you're feeling low, in those moments, it's easy for us to be our worst critic, right? Why are we the meanest to ourselves, we are the harshest and we are the most nasty to ourselves? Like, if we were to talk to others the way we talk to ourselves, we would basically live in isolation because no one would want to be around us, right? So why do we want to be with ourselves? Why would we allow ourselves to be the roughest critic?

Speaker 1: 17:48

Okay, so, practice compassion on yourself. Realize that self-criticism. It just what it does is. It just deepens your feelings of frustration and it kind of leads you down this path of you're right, I can't do it. What was I thinking? I don't have the favor that others have, or, again, these conversations. So if you wouldn't say it to someone else, here's the rule If you wouldn't say it to someone else, don't say it to yourself. Okay, I wouldn't boldly tell somebody that they're a failure. Okay, I wouldn't boldly tell somebody that they're are they crazy for achieving that? Right? I would never tell somebody that. So why would I tell that to myself? So practice that. So treat yourself with kindness and just think when you talk to yourself, talk to yourself like you're talking to a close friend or a close family member who's struggling. What would you tell them? Take yourself out of the picture. And if somebody you knew were in that same situation, what would you tell them to help them get out of their bind? To overcome those feelings of giving up? Okay, remind yourself that everyone has difficult moments and that the setbacks that you're experiencing because you're not achieving that goal doesn't define you or your worth. Okay, so be kind to yourself. Practice self-compassion.

Speaker 1: 19:03

The seventh thing that we can do to overcome our thoughts and our wants to give up is to visualize yourself the end in mind. Okay, keep the end in mind. Visualize what the goal is, what's at stake for you to get to where you need to be. It's a powerful tool that'll help adjust your mindset. We've talked about this before, but tapping, closing your eyes and imagining how it would feel once you achieved your goal, reminding yourself of the satisfaction and the relief and the excitement of the accomplishment that you had just experienced. So pull on that future self to pull you up to visualize that finish line. Okay, because we're not seeing it in clarity, but that future self has the pathway or has the route for us and is waiting for us on the other side. So, visualizing again, why is it that you're doing it? But not only that, but what it feels like at the finish line when you have achieved your goal. Okay. So what that will do is that'll help you push through the rough patches, because it reminds you that reaching your goal is possible. It is possible, but again, overcoming those setbacks and overcoming those thoughts. It'll be far more rewarding if you picture and goal in mind.

Speaker 1: 20:21

So why am I pointing out all of these ways to overcome not giving up? It is because I feel that a lot of us are in a position where we want to throw in the towel. It's too hard, jenny, it's taking too long, jenny, and I just have this feeling that I think there are some of you that are listening today that are ready to just give up, and myself included. There's things in my life that I question, and I think you know what. It's just time to throw in the towel, but I think that you and I are stronger and you and I are more resilient than that, and I think that it is just a setback for us, and I want to share some stories and some examples of people that have overcome those feelings of giving up and overcome those obstacles when they've come across. And some of these people you may have heard of or heard their story, but for some it might be the first time that you hear, and a lot of times again, we hear the glorified end, we hear the end game right, we hear how they made it at the very end, but we don't hear that journey, that part that everyone goes through in order to get there, and throughout, anybody who's done anything of importance, anything of significance, every single person that you talk to, has a story.

Speaker 1: 21:39

It wasn't easy. Nothing easy is ever going to be great. And the reason why? Because if it was so easy, everybody would be doing it Again. We'd all be in the gym, we'd all be business owners or we'd all be public speakers or we'd all be whatever it is that doesn't come naturally to you. We would all be that right. So no, everything is a challenge because, again, as we've talked about before. In that challenge is where we find the growth and, with the growth, is where it takes us to the next level.

Speaker 1: 22:08

But let me give you some examples Again. Some of these you probably have heard of, but I want to give you this as some sort of inspiration, because there are so many people out there that you would think that we only see the finished product, but we don't see the steps that it took to get there. So, for example, jk Rowling and she is the person or the lady that wrote Harry Potter, so very popular Harry Potter, the brand in itself, I mean amusement parks, movies, books, everything, okay. So she was actually rejected. She was rejected 12 times and was told not to quit her day job. So imagine, imagine if that 12th time, if maybe on the 10th time, she would have given up, maybe 10 was her number. If I don't, if I get rejected at 10 times, all she needed was two more times she would have been there. So again, when we are having those thoughts, think of JK Rowling. Right, she submitted 12 times and was rejected 12 times. Imagine if she would have given up at 10 after the 10th rejection. So JK Rowling is one, an example.

Speaker 1: 23:11

Of course we all know a famous Walt Disney right. So Walt Disney was fired as a young man from his job for lack of good ideas. Can you imagine? He was told that he didn't have good ideas. However, he ended up having the idea, or this concept, of creating this amusement park, and we all know where the Walt Disney brand has gone. Think of Henry Ford, for example. He left his long-term, comfortable job in 1889, and he has started the Detroit Automobile Company with only $150,000 of investor money, and then he ended up becoming bankrupt with their money. That's probably one of the worst feelings, right, not only to lose your money, but to lose somebody else's money. But people still had faith in him and he had faith in himself and he continued to pursue his goal, which eventually landed him the Ford Motor Company in 1901. He was able to overcome that. So, having lost it all, he was still able to rebuild.

Speaker 1: 24:09

The other one I actually wanted to share too. I'm not sure if the majority of you probably know this story as well, but I think she's very inspirational. If you haven't had a chance to hear her speak, she's a very passionate and fun speaker and a light speaker to hear. But Sarah Blakely, she was the one that started the Spanx brand. And so she actually started her selling career selling fax machines door to door, just like anything right, like people who sell anything door to door, I mean anything right Like I, people who sell anything door to door, I mean they're going to be faced with daily rejection. So she took that knowledge. Or, during that time of her knocking on doors and having the door slammed in her face continually, she took that knowledge and it taught her something. Okay, so she didn't walk away from sales just because she was constantly being rejected, but what it taught her during that time is it taught her how to handle a rejection. And so, during that time of learning how to overcome objection, when she had this idea to start Spanx, which was footless pantyhose company or undergarment which gave comfort traditional shaper, what she did was she gave her the courage to be able to start her own company with just $5,000 and she created the prototype. But had she not been comfortable with rejection from her previous venture, she probably wouldn't have been able to get that company Spanx off a launch, because whenever you're starting something innovative or doing something against the grain, you are going to get a lot of rejection. You're going to get a lot of pushback, and so her skin became very thick because of that. I'll share a few more just to give you some inspiration from others that didn't give up. They had plenty of opportunities to do that, but they maybe made some small adjustments. Or they visualize the finish line, or they practice self-compassion on themselves, or they possibly leaned out to others for support.

Speaker 1: 26:01

And another very famous example and probably many of you have heard of this one before, but let me go back to it because it's a great one of Babe Ruth. Right, babe Ruth, he was considered one of the greatest baseball players of all times, but what a lot of people don't know about him is he also had the record for the most strikeouts back in his times of the Major League Baseball. Okay, and so people would ask him like, what was your explanation of it? And he said I would just go up there and I would swing. I just kept on swinging and I kept swinging. Every strike brought me closer to my next home run. So he kept that mindset of. He knew that every swing that he swung, it just brought him closer to the next home run, and that one hits close to home to us. My husband constantly uses this example of I just keep swinging, I just keep swinging, I keep swinging because I know it's something's going to give Right. I'm just one step closer to that home run.

Speaker 1: 27:00

So those are just some examples of people who have achieved their goals, and they achieve their goals not overnight I in some cases it took them many years, it took them many journeys or struggles or hurdles, but I share them with you because you too should not give up on your goal. Don't give up and maybe I'm talking to myself in this case. Don't give up. Don't give up, jenny. Don't give up. You don't give up. Whatever it is that you're pursuing, don't give up.

Speaker 1: 27:34

Draw the line in the sand. Maybe you can relate to Sarah Blakely and maybe you're in a season of constant rejection, constant rejection, constant rejection. But keep in mind that maybe this season that you're in is a season of growth, for you to develop thicker skin. Maybe you are in a season, like JK Rowling, where you again have been rejected multiple times. You keep tweaking a little bit here, tweaking a little bit there and continue to be rejected. But just keep in mind, maybe you're on number 11 and number 12 and number 13. It's going to be that magical number for you. So, keep pursuing your goals. Don't give up.

Speaker 1: 28:12

Okay, guys, I say all this because maybe I'm talking to myself today, but I hope that you share in my sentiment as we near the end of this year and we have these urges or these wants to give up Don't, because there's something there for you on the other side. The fact, again, that you're listening to this podcast tells me that you should not give up, that you, you there's greater things. Continue to pursue them, continue to seek them. I'll remind you of the steps again to when you have those thoughts to want to give in, to want to throw in the towel per se, when you want to give up. I'll remind you of what we talked about today Pause, breathe, acknowledge, connect to your reason why you have these goals.

Speaker 1: 28:58

Break your goals down. Okay, break your goals down. Lean on others for support, adjust what it is that you need to adjust, but don't quit. Whatever you do, don't quit. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion and then, as always, visualize the finish line. What does the finish line look for you? What does that angle look for you, guys?

Speaker 1: 29:20

So, guys, with that said, I'm going to end this podcast, I'm going to sandwich it in. I started with Albert Einstein and I'll end with Albert Einstein. Learn from yesterday. Yesterday was there to teach us something Live for today, pause and breathe and be in the moment today and hope for tomorrow. Visualize tomorrow. What does that goal look like for you guys? With that said, I love you all. Thank you for listening. Make sure to check us out at sparkingradiance Until next time. Have a great week. You hear that clap. That's me cheering you on for completing another episode. Have a great week. You hear that clap. That's me cheering you on for completing another episode. I don't know about you, but, man, that was quick. If you like what you heard, hit the subscribe button or share the episode with someone you think that might need a little spark, and help us grow by leaving a review. Remember keep sparking that radiance from within. Until next time. Shine on.