Speaker 1: 0:10

Hey there, I'm Jenny Perez. I'm a wife, mom and small business owner, and although I love being all of those things, I'm at the point where I feel like there's something more to life outside of those roles. Does that sound like you? If you're in search of that extra magic, craving a dose of positivity, purpose and real talk on being worthy, capable and able, you're in the right place. Let's kick off this journey together. Ignite that spark, radiate some positivity and discover what makes your life and business truly shine. Ready to jump in? Let's spark some radiance together. Hello and welcome to the Sparking Radiance Podcast. I'm Jenny Perez, so I'm going to quickly just jump right on in because this is fresh off the press.

Speaker 1: 1:02

Okay, so I have to tell a little story about how yesterday, my husband and I, as part of our business, we were kind of creating some marketing material, shooting some videos, just creating some target marketing to go out specifically to our book of business, and so part of that was we had to get dressed up in, in my case, put my face on, do my hair and get ready to be in front of the camera, and this is something that is so uncomfortable for me, like I knowing that we had to do this, this on this particular day. I was dreading it. I was dreading it because I'm just so judgmental of myself on the camera. However, I do know that it is a way to drive in business, or more business, to us, and I do it because I'm a team player and because I know that it's going to help us. But I don't do it easily, willingly, or I don't do it wanting I should say just wanting to do it. I dread it. I dread it. I'll be honest, it's one of the parts of the business that I do dread, but I know it's important, so I do it. And so this is what happened. I'll be honest, I'll tell the story.

Speaker 1: 2:12

So I get to the office, I have my hair done, makeup done and I'm ready to shoot. I brought like three or four different outfits, stuff done, and then, typically, my husband and I will work on this together and he unfortunately got backed up on a, on a call, and I was just like I'm just sitting here, I'm getting sweaty, I don't want my hair to get poofy, I'm going to start working on this. So I started coming up with the script, I put it together and then I just started thinking, okay, this is what I'm going to record. Okay, and as I was doing that, I kind of I think what I did was I recorded it and then I showed my first copy to my husband and he's like no, that's wrong, we're not going to use that. We got to say this, this and the why. Right, him and I, our work dynamic is kind of bounce ideas off of each other. So he's like no, this is why. And I said okay, well then you write the script, because I obviously can't do it. I was like just tell me what to say.

Speaker 1: 3:00

And so I started going down this funnel of every time I would do a take. I hated it, like I was just like I felt robotic. I didn't like the way my hair was positioned, I didn't like the way my forehead looked, I didn't like the way my eyebrow. I mean every single take. I had something to pick out, and I think what it was is. I just wasn't in the mood or in the feeling to complete it and I was looking for any little thing to back out of it. Finally, I was just so frustrated. I spent so much time on trying to get the perfect take, the perfect take, the perfect take. And if I only just told my husband you know what, you do it, I can't, I just can't. My hair's getting poofy, I'm hot in here, and I was literally having a meltdown. And then my husband was just like, okay, no problem, I'll take over, I'll do it. And he was just like you know what your problem is? Your problem is that you want it to be perfect, and it doesn't have to be perfect, you just have to get your message across. I just kind of stood back a little bit, I let myself cool down, I got a snack, I kind of pulled it together and then I went back to recording. Now here's the thing. He was 100% right. As you can see, my voice is going out, because this is how many takes I had to do yesterday.

Speaker 1: 4:17

I spent the entire rest of the afternoon trying to perfect that first take. We had to do a series of videos and I was taking so long just to complete that first video and I and it got to the point where I was like you know what? I'm going to have you leave, I'm going to do this, I'm going to focus. And every time I tried to retake, I could hear myself saying this is the one, this is the one, this is the one, but every single time I had to do it.

Speaker 1: 4:42

So when he said that you are doing this because or you can't complete, this is because you're you're a perfectionist and you want it to be perfect, but it doesn't have to be OK, it pointed out something to me, about me that is 100 percent true, in that I wanted to look a little bit more. You know, over the last 24 hours I wanted to look at this idea of perfectionism, and it is something that I battle with, and maybe you or somebody you work with or live or are in a relationship with, battle with as well. So I know there's so much to learn about the topic and I'm on a journey to continue to learn and, as you know, this Sparking Radiance project is part of me conquering that perfectionism and putting out a product that is not perfect but it's still impactful either way, getting my message across, like he said. And so let's look at perfectionism. I pulled up some stats on perfectionism and, according to the vital Buford Hardin, 92% of people are affected by perfectionism. There is 86% of people believe perfectionist expectations affect their work and 66% say that they struggle with perfectionism. So, as far as impacting our relationships. 72% of people believe perfectionism is a harmful to relationship building. There's also, of course, the mental health impact of it.

Speaker 1: 6:06

Perfectionism can lead to burnout, fear of failure and conflict avoidance. I'm just trying to think here. There's an increase in perfectionism in younger people. It's on the rise. Social media we've talked about this before has a huge impact on young people, I would say on everybody that's involved in social media, because their influence on what is considered the norms. And then 31.7% of young people also experience extreme distress when they don't meet certain expectations or parental expectations. So here's what I mean, again, fresh off the press. I guess you could say this is the feeling that I'm having to share with you. I think I want to share it with you because it is fresh for me, it is something that's lingering over my shoulders, and let me tell you about the rest of the day.

Speaker 1: 6:52

So I took almost the entire day to create that first video, and then I had to create a second one, and then we did a few together. Now keep in mind by the time and when, I finally got past that perfectionism mindset and I finally again keep doing the activity. So I was doing the activity of not worrying about it, like just get it done. When I get to that point, finally, by the end of the night we were just pumping out videos like nothing. Okay, because I took myself out of the equation and I reminded myself that what we had to do, and then we had to do it in a short amount of time. But what I learned from the experience is that I wasted the entire day. I wasted the entire day trying to be perfect. Now here's the thing by doing that, it actually impacted the remaining videos, because the remaining videos probably could have been better if I wouldn't have spent so much time on that first video trying to be perfect.

Speaker 1: 7:53

So when we look at perfectionism, there are some negative things that come out of it, and I definitely experienced this yesterday. Whenever we experience wanting to be perfect, the first thing that happens is we've talked about this before, paralysis by analysis. Okay, so we're striving to make it perfect and we overthink every detail. What it does is it just causes delays to actually complete the task. So, for example, the fact that my hair was a miss out of place, just a tiny bit, or the background, or the lighting, or the way I cringe my eyebrow all of those little small details took away from time because I just kept trying to change it and make it perfect, and then it became something else and something else. So it was just the paralysis of me overthinking every single detail. The other thing that perfection causes burnout. Okay, so constantly trying to meet the standard or get it right creates burnout. So I'll tell you this after yesterday, I mean last night, I was drained. I was drained and, as you can see, my voice was even drained because I did it so many times, retake after retake after retake, been drained because I did it so many times, retake after retake after retake.

Speaker 1: 9:07

Perfection also causes missed opportunities, okay, so we spend way too much time perfecting one thing that first video. If I go back and look at all the videos, I would probably say that that first video was probably the worst video. Of all the videos, the one that I spent the most time on was probably the worst video. Isn't that funny? But yes, it's missed opportunities. The latter videos could have been better had I not spent too much time on that first video. It also causes decreased productivity Perfectionism does, and, of course, as you see, I didn't get as many videos as I'd like to get done because I was focused on that first and second video.

Speaker 1: 9:42

Fear of failure is another negative of perfectionism and what that does is our desire to take risks or try new things because we're worried about falling short. So, kind of tying back to that video, I was afraid of putting out a product that wasn't perfect because I was afraid of what people might think, because I was afraid that they were going to notice that my eyebrow went a certain way or that my background, my picture, was a little bit crooked. Fear, failure is just, you know, worried about falling short, hitting the mark. So the other negatives that can come out of perfectionism is, you know, straining relationships. So maybe perfectionism can cause frustration with others if they don't meet your high standards, or you don't meet your own high standards. And I can tell you this for sure. There was a little bit of tension between my husband and I for a minute there, because he was being honest and open and telling me your problem is that you're a perfectionist and my issue was I want to get it right and he doesn't understand that I have to get it right and he just sees things differently. But yeah, I definitely. For a moment there was a little bit, there was tension, so it can strain relationships.

Speaker 1: 10:51

The other thing about perfectionism is that it will stifle your creativity. So if I spend too much time, as I did, on that first video, it will stifle, you know, my creative ability, taking bold steps and being innovative. And the reason why? Because you're not able to get past that first idea, because you want everything to be so perfect and in the creative process, you actually kind of have to be unperfect, because that's how you pull from the work, right, and I think of this in any kind of writing or art. It all comes, you let it all out and then from there you choose versus. I have to output something that is perfect.

Speaker 1: 11:32

So, tying my experience yesterday, as I sit here and reflect upon it, back to research, I found an article from the Harvard Business Review that was published in 2018 and I'll include it in the show notes for you. And what they did is they did a study about perfectionism, and specifically perfectionism in the workplace, and here's what they concluded, and it says we've combed through four decades of study on perfectionism. To answer a more basic question Are perfectionists better performers at work? We conducted a meta-analysis of 95 studies conducted from the 1980s to today that examined the relationship between perfectionism and factors that impact employees' effectiveness. These studies included nearly 25,000 working-age individuals. The short answer we found is that perfectionism is a much bigger weakness than job applicants and interviewers probably assume. Our results affirm that perfectionism meaningfully and consistently predicts several beneficial workplace outcomes. For example, perfectionists are more motivated on the job, work longer hours and can be more engaged. However, our results also indicate that perfectionism is strongly consistently related to numerous detrimental work and non-work outcomes, including higher levels of burnout, stress, workaholism, anxiety and depression. While these effects were consistently evident for perfectionists in general, closer examination yielded important distinctions about when these effects were more or less extreme.

Speaker 1: 13:11

Research has identified two distinct but related subdivisions of perfectionism. The first, which we can call excellence-seeking perfectionism, involves tendencies to fixate on and demand excessively high standards. Excellence-seeking perfectionism not only stringently evaluate their own performance, but also hold high performance expectation for others in their lives. The second, which we call failure avoiding perfectionism, involves an obsessive concern with an aversion to failing to reach high performance standards. Failure avoiding perfectionism are constantly worried their work is not quite right or fit enough and believe that they lose respect from others if they do not achieve perfectionism.

Speaker 1: 13:58

There's a couple of things that I took out of that paragraph there. So one of the things that I in relation to what I experienced yesterday there are some benefits to perfectionism. I want to talk about those next. But the benefits are you know, people who are perfectionists tend to be more motivated on the job. They'll work longer hours and they'll be more engaged. So yesterday, for sure, I was motivated to get the outcome done. I definitely worked way longer hours than I should have and I was engaged okay, because I kept trying. Now the negative side of it is did I experience burnout? Yes, I was exhausted. At the end of the day Was I stressed, absolutely. And you know, if I didn't have the chance today to acknowledge what I went through yesterday, I can see how it can build into an anxiety and potentially a depression.

Speaker 1: 14:45

But what I also liked about this article was that they identified there's two types of perfectionism. So there's the perfectionism, that where we excel, seeking perfectionism. So, for example, if we fixate on having these high standards, the other one is the second one, which is the failure. Or we avoid things altogether because we're worried about what other people might think. And I think sometimes with perfectionism you may start out one way and end up the other, but or they kind of blend together. You have, some of us have these high expectations for ourselves and our work and we also fear the judgment of others, of them thinking it's not good enough, and we don't want to lose their respect. So very powerful message. I'll put that in the show notes there for you.

Speaker 1: 15:29

Now let me talk about. You know I've talked or highlighted all of the negative things about perfectionism. Don't get me wrong. There are actually some positive things about perfectionism, and one of the positive things is that it pushes you to have higher expectations of yourself, and what that will ultimately lead to is you, once you get that flow going if you actually get to that point of where you're flowing you'll deliver a higher quality work and because of your attention to detail so that is a positive. For all of my perfectionists out there Okay, or those that you know that are now it will also help you and give you the motivation to improve.

Speaker 1: 16:10

All right, so with perfectionism, you're going to have the drive for something to be perfect. It can also motivate you to keep learning, to keep refining, to keep changing and constantly improving, and that's where I could say that that happened to me yesterday was like I had this. I didn't want to give up. I just kept deleting and record, deleting and recording. I kept doing that over and over again. With perfectionism, you get increased focus, which is true, because I was focused and I was intense about it to the point that I, you know, kicked my husband out of my office so I could just be, you know, laser focused on what I had to do. I was persistent. That is another positive with perfectionism, you're persistent. I wasn't going to give up easily. I kept pushing through, even though retake after retake after retake, because my goal was to get the job done.

Speaker 1: 17:00

Okay, you know perfectionism, those who have perfectionism tendencies, we pride ourselves in our work. We, we have a standard of achieving, you know, a certain output, and when we do hit that output, there's so much reward from that feeling of giving our best foot forward. Okay, and we're always perfectionism. You will always strive for excellence. You know you won't settle for just anything and that you'll always. What you can expect from a perfectionist is that they're always trying to perform at their best. Okay, now, there's negatives to perfectionism, and I just shared some positives. But the key is where do you find the balance in between the two. Okay, so I'm going to give you some ideas. If you now this is going to be a work in progress is perfectionism topic, because I think we can even dive it a little bit deeper. One book that I'm currently reading but I do have some books lined up that I would like to kind of dive into more in, more in depth, on this topic.

Speaker 1: 17:59

I'm putting out this podcast the day after I just experienced my my overwhelm with my perfectionism tendencies, so I'm not as prepared as I would like to be, but I hope that I still get a message across to you. Now I will tell you you. It took me. I went back and looked at the retake reel. It took me 57 attempts to get that first video done. It took me 57 attempts. Can you believe that? I tried 57 times to make it perfect? And if I go back and look at the first video that I did and the final video, there's not much different. They're not much different, but I kept pointing and putting out things. Don't get me wrong, there are some funny ones in there where you may hear a few cuss words or me flubbering my voice, but 57 times, I didn't need 57 times to retake. I think the video was probably less than two minutes. So don't be like me. The whole point of this episode is don't be like me, you don't need 57 times to do a one two minute video, okay.

Speaker 1: 19:09

So we're gonna dive in a little bit deeper on this topic down the line. It's definitely one that hits home for me Maybe you too, or someone you know. Okay, so this is a topic that we're gonna continue to build upon. Now, what are some activities that we can do to overcome perfectionism? So what is our solution? Let me give you some solutions of what I've found, you know, in my research.

Speaker 1: 19:33

But you know, one of the things, the first things that I saw here was, it said, set time limits for tasks. This kind of goes back to time blocking. Right, when we talked about that a few weeks ago, like to overcome perfectionism, give yourself an only a certain amount of time. Now, because I didn't have time associated with how long I had to complete that two minute video. It took me almost the entire day. I wasted so much time. Now, if I would have said you only have one hour to complete this one video, it's kind of like whatever the output is, that is what you are using, I think I would have been able to get it done faster and better. Okay, and I think of this kind of like the game shows from back in the day where you know they had to do something, or think of Pictionary, or think of you know, I would think of supermarket sweeps when they're running they only have a minute to get whatever they need to get, but they're going to get the most expensive items right Because they're so focused during that time. There there's a sense of urgency. So set time limits for your tasks. So if I would have set the fact that I had an hour only to complete the two minute video, my drive and my direction and my urgency would have been different.

Speaker 1: 20:45

The other way to some other examples or activities that we can overcome, perfectionism is practice, the good enough mindset okay, rather and I think you know my husband he's definitely not a perfectionist which creates our balance right. But what I can respect about him is that he has the good enough mindset, meaning that I'm going to get something out, knowing in his mind that it's good enough to get the message across and I can always only make it better. It doesn't have to be the best version the first time. So he's always open to the fact of it's good enough. It'll get the job done and I can always improve it down the line. So practice that when we're doing or when we're thinking of an output. This is good enough to deliver the message, this is good enough to represent what I'm trying to express and if I need to, I can always edit and I can always make it better down the line. Okay, so what that will help you do is it'll help you get comfortable with letting go of perfection, knowing that you have the perfectionist. If you have that outlet of, I can make it better down the line. I still have that option to improve it. You'll get a lot more done with that.

Speaker 1: 21:53

Some other examples of creating some practical activities to overcome perfectionism and I'm just going to name a few because, again, I want to dive into this a little bit deeper. But you know, kind of going back to time blocking, break up to dive into this a little bit deeper, but kind of going back to time blocking, break up the project into smaller steps. So maybe what I could have done before is I could have set mini deadlines for myself saying, okay, I have one hour to complete this and in that hour I'm going to master the first five minutes. I'm going to master the intro, then I'll master the body and then I'll master the ending. I didn't have to record it all in the same sequence. I could have broken it up into smaller mini segments and mini deadlines. That way I wouldn't have to keep doing that first set over and over and over again. Okay, so breaking it up into smaller projects or smaller steps can make it a better way to overcome perfectionism.

Speaker 1: 22:44

So another way to overcome perfectionism is to limit your ability to revise. So set a rule for yourself, like allowing yourself only to try it five times, like do five takes and that's it. You only need five takes. You don't need 57, jen or Jenny. I could have gotten it done in five, to be quite honest, but I allowed myself to drag it on to 57 times and take up the day. So if you limit your ability to make revisions, this will help you, you know, encourage you actually to complete what it is that you have done, whether, rather than just sitting there and endlessly pointing out and tweaking things that you don't like about it. Okay Now, with that said, guys, don't be like me. Don't take 57 times to complete something. Okay, and I'm telling you this with honesty because I just experienced this yesterday I'm exhausted, as you can hear, my voice is raspy because I tried so many times. Now, at the end of the day, did the message get across? Absolutely, were we able to knock out? You know, quite a few videos? Yes, so I share all these things with you guys because I hope that it helps and I can't wait to dive into this topic a little bit further.

Speaker 1: 23:55

Okay, now for those of you that follow along with our activity of the week. So here's what we're going to do for our activity to overcome this, our perfect tendencies. So what we're going to do is we're going to do the 10 minute timer. So what I would like you to do is I would like you to set a 10 minute timer to complete a specific task, and so what the goal of the 10 minute timer is is to help you work effectively as possible, without trying to make it perfect. So, for example, I'm recording this podcast. I'm giving myself 10 minutes to complete a certain section, regardless of how it comes out. I'm giving myself that set time of 10 minutes and put the timer in front of you certain pages, if you're, you know, doing something art wise, like you know, give yourself 10 minutes to draw or to paint a certain, a certain craft per se. Give yourself 10 minutes to complete the task. Okay, without taking the fact that you have to be perfect, it's the you're training your mind to think it's the task of getting done. And I'll give you a funny example of what the 10 minute timer means to me, or how I can apply this to my life.

Speaker 1: 25:13

So you ever have an experience where you have unexpected company coming over, like you get a message saying hey, I'm someone's coming over, they're bringing you know, or I'm bringing home somebody. What have you? Now? If your house is in a mess like minus nine times out of 10, what do you get done in those five to 10 minutes that you could have done all day long? I mean you are fast, you are efficient, you are moving things around to get that house looking tidy. So I kind of equate that task, that 10 minute timer, to kind of train our minds. That way there's a sense of urgency. If you put urgency behind the activity, you'll be able to see that you can accomplish so much more without and allowing that perfectionism tendency to kind of seep in. So I hope that helps. And, again, that's for those of you that are following along with the activities. I think that's going to be beneficial to for those of you that are following along with the activities. I think that's going to be beneficial for those of you that are looking to conquer that perfectionism.

Speaker 1: 26:11

Now, if you live with someone or are in a relationship with someone or work with someone that has these perfectionism tendencies, set a timer for them and compare the difference right, like, say, you'll see this a lot in business or in the workplace. You know you have this amount of time to get it done 10 minutes. I need you to send this email or write these notes in 10 minutes, or resolve this client's problem in 10 minutes, and you'd be surprised how much more we can get done with that. Okay, so now, something that I do want to share is that I'm currently reading a book where it's it talks about stories and how stories require voices to speak them and ears to hear them. Stories only foster connection when there is both someone to speak and someone to listen, and I'm saying this is because I feel that there are a lot of you out there that have a story to tell and there are a lot of us that have ears to listen. So I'm calling out I have this this way on my heart that I'm calling out that if you feel led to tell a story, if you feel led to share, please reach out to me. You can reach out to me on Instagram, sparkingradiance. Send me a message. I would love to have you as a guest on our show. You know you have a story to tell and we have an ear to listen. So I'm throwing that out there. I know a lot of you that do listen, do have a story to tell, and we can't wait for you to share it with us. Okay, and I hope that you have the courage to reach out to me, because I am definitely welcome you with open arms Now, with that said, guys, I hope this was a great episode for you.

Speaker 1: 27:49

I'm going to go rest my voice. Take it easy After my 57 tries. Again, don't be like me. Get it done. Set that timer. I hope you guys have a great week and we'll talk soon. Love y'all. You hear that clap. That's me cheering you on for completing another episode. I don't know about you, but man, that was quick. If you like what you heard, hit the subscribe button or share the episode with someone you think that might need a little spark and help us grow by leaving a review. Remember keep sparking that radiance from within Until next time. Shine on.