Genny Perez: 0:10

Hey there, I'm Genny Perez. I'm a wife, mom and small business owner, and although I love being all of those things, I'm at the point where I feel like there's something more to life outside of those roles. Does that sound like you? If you're in search of that extra magic, craving a dose of positivity, purpose and real talk on being worthy, capable and able, you're in the right place. Let's kick off this journey together. Ignite that spark, radiate some positivity and discover what makes your life and business truly shine. Ready to jump in. Let's spark some radiance together. Hello and welcome to the Sparking Radiance Podcast. I'm Jenny Perez.

Genny Perez: 0:58

This episode, I get the chance to share a recent conversation that I had with a lifelong friend, someone who I truly admire professionally and someone who I admire as a wife and as a mother. She stands firm in her spiritual faith and she's really achieved so much. Some of her accolades include advancing her career and climbing the corporate ladder. She's become part of the winner circle in her organization. She's also involved with the winner circle in her organization. She's also involved with the Los Angeles Regional Starting Block Board and she's been a participant in the UCLA Reardon MBA Fellows Program. She's just someone that has spirit and ambition and initiative, and she's consistently striving for more in her personal and her professional life.

Genny Perez: 1:43

I hope you enjoy this conversation that I had with my dear friend, Mrs. Elvira DeCuir. Her and I sit and we discuss the art of balancing all of the various responsibilities that we have and some of the challenges that we face managing it all. Okay, Elvira, welcome to the Sparking Radiance podcast. I am so happy that you are here with me and I am so excited just to have a conversation with you.

Genny Perez: 2:11

I think you and I go back so many years and throughout the years, we've had so many great conversations together, seeing that we've known each other since elementary school. One of the things that I can say about you, that I have learned about you throughout the years and respect and appreciate about you, is that you juggle a lot. You carry a lot of responsibility in your career, in your home, in your business side projects. So I thought it was very important for us to talk about balance together, because I think a lot of times we get these examples online or on television or over the internet of like what balance should look like, and I think sometimes we get misinformation. What do you have to share about that? What about balance? About being able to balance all of those things.

Elvira Decuir: 3:01

First, I want to say thank you for having me on your podcast. I do feel truly honored to have the opportunity. You're right. We've had a lot of really great conversations over the years. I've always valued and appreciated your friendship and so I think it's great that we are still friends and connected after 35 years.

Elvira Decuir: 3:17

On the topic of balance you're aging us now oops, don't listen to those the years. But um, on the topic of balance, this is a hard one balance. I can't say that I've perfected it. I think I go through seasons and valleys and periods where I do much better at balancing things, and and other times, a lot of times, it takes me pausing and taking a step back and just evaluating all the things that I'm doing, where I have my hands, where I'm spending and allocating my time, and then thinking through okay, what am I because there's always opportunity costs what am I sacrificing? What am I giving up to put time here? Or sometimes it's I'm doing it all and I'm the one that is. It's I'm doing it all and I'm the one that is like I'm sacrificing self right to do all the things. And so I went through this recently, actually, and the revelation I had around my time was a few things. One, I was spending a lot of time with work like outside of the normal eight to five hours and, for those that don't know, I do have a day job that is pretty demanding and I spent a lot of time. I have a small team and a big, a lot of work in my small team that we are responsible for, and so it's really easy for me to stay on top of things, to work well beyond the eight to five timeframe, and I was realizing that in doing that, I wasn't spending ample time with my kids or able to help them with their homework as well as maybe time with my husband or even myself, and definitely not spending time with God. And I felt most recently that the Lord through some you know Bible studies and things we were doing that the Lord spoke to me and said you know you need to prioritize me in your life, and so I took a step back to look at all the things that I was currently doing and decided you know, work I need to for my kids, for myself, for my husband, for God. I needed to work within like an eight to five timeframe. So I'm really proud to say that over the last two weeks, I've been able to stop working around five and 530.

Elvira Decuir: 5:30

Now I will tell you because I'm an A-type personality, I've got checklists and to-do lists and all those things that there has been a little bit of anxiousness right Around not getting through all my stuff in the workday, but I do feel like the trade-off there is I've been able to be at my present for my son's football game. We've been going, you know, we go to life group on Wednesday. I've been able to help them with homework and projects. I've been able to have a little time with my husband. I've been able to spend time reading not only my bible but for personal, because I really enjoy reading, and so I'm having that trade off which and been able to, you know, just be back in time with God as well, and so I've really enjoyed where I'm at.

Elvira Decuir: 6:13

But, long story short, what I would recommend for anyone that's struggling with balance is just pause every maybe quarter and just evaluate because we all go through different seasons where it's busier than other times, based upon the needs of our family, based upon the needs of our job, is just take time out to look and see where you're at. What are you sacrificing, and is what you're sacrificing low on your priority list or is it high? And if you're sacrificing time with your like with scott, or building a relationship with Him, time with yourself, time with your husband or your kids, figure out what you need to let go of and to bring it back in balance. So I don't think it's a one-time thing. I think it's something we should evaluate regularly.

Genny Perez: 6:54

Absolutely, I agree, and I think in this season that we are in here at Sparking Renaissance, I think we're in a season of understanding that time is our number one currency. Time we can never get back. It is so valuable and financially it trumps financial, because I could have millions and millions of dollars in my bank account but, like you say, if I can't be there for my son's football game, like it has no value, right? So, yes, time is such a currency, can I add?

Elvira Decuir: 7:29

something to that. Sure, it just made me think of when you say time is a valuable currency, and that's so true, and we just don't get a lot of time Right. There's only 24 hours in a day, and hopefully we're sleeping for eight of those.

Genny Perez: 7:42

That would be nice, right? That's a good night's sleep.

Elvira Decuir: 7:45

Yes, right, most of us probably aren't getting eight hours of sleep, and so the thought that came to my mind it being such like a commodity and scarcity of it is we're also not promised tomorrow. So sometimes the way that I check myself and my balance is right now. If I was to leave this earth and I look back with where I was spending my time, would I be happy with?

Genny Perez: 8:08

that.

Elvira Decuir: 8:08

Right, because I can't take all the things I buy with me. But what is meaningful is those memories that I created, or to be there for this particular thing, for my child or to have that time with my husband, and so that's just another thing I think that we should think through, like, if you were to go tomorrow, would you be happy with where you spent your time and if not, then work to just make adjustments where you can to prioritize those things that are most important to you.

Genny Perez: 8:34

Creating a sense of urgency on our time right, like cause, we don't. And again going back to it being the valuable commodity. It's like we know it's our number one commodity, however, we don't know how much of it, the scarcity of it, like how much do we have left? It is unknown to everybody, right, thank you. Thank you, we kind of talked about that, like being a mom and juggling. Here's the question for some of us out there, like how, because I know for myself personally, there's times you know where I hit a limit, where like'm at a plateau of, like, my patience, my, my energy, everything like being a mom and working, how do you, how do you juggle all that without losing your mind? We'll have some, of course, some understanding, because we've all been there, right, we've all been to those points where you know we have lost our mind. We'll forgive ourselves for those moments, but going forward, like, how do you find that space?

Elvira Decuir: 9:28

That's challenging as well. I do like to think often of providing grace and space. Right, I'm not perfect by any means and I don't always get it right. And sometimes I'm convicted because I'm working and my son comes in and wants to show me something or talk to me and I'm like, yeah, just a minute, I just need to finish this. And you know I keep working and I'm like. Then I'm convicted and I'm like you know what? This is not important, like what he was trying to tell me was probably very important to him, right In the bigger scheme of things.

Elvira Decuir: 10:03

And so when I think about keeping it all together, keeping sane, when trying to balance all the things because there are times where I do get super stressed out I also realize in those moments like what have I done, like for myself, and so things that have helped me personally as outlets, as ways to kind of just collect myself and not go crazy with all the things, because reality is there are times where I just have to do all the things that they need to get done. It's come to a timing where, unfortunately, they're all like this game and this event and this for work and all that, and so what I've done is carve out time for myself, me time, and that could be comprised of yoga, working out. I've committed and that I know that's the hardest thing to do is find times to be active, and working out can be different for every person. There are so many ways to stay in, active and healthy that there's not just one way that's the right way, but finding what that thing is for you, whether it's you like to go out and run or you like to go for a walk in the morning or if you. I stumbled across orange theory and I love it. I absolutely love it. It's a workout beast that kicks my butt for an hour and I feel so good and I push and challenge myself that when I leave there I feel accomplished and I feel good throughout the week and it gives me energy, and so I go twice a week for that.

Elvira Decuir: 11:26

In addition to massages, sometimes yoga is really good way of stretching. A lot of us don't realize from the positions that we sit in all day at our computers how much strain and stress are on our shoulders and our neck and what that does to our body, and so I do go to chiropractor. I mentioned massages earlier. I also will have been trying to insert reading back into my life, just like as something I like to do for fun, and I felt like I hadn't had time to carve out for that. I also spend time with my husband away from the kids, like try to find date night, if it's even just a movie, or just to go out to dinner. I know everyone, like listening, might be in different seasons with their spouse and the age of their kids, and so it might not be realistic. You know, and we've been through that season as well.

Elvira Decuir: 12:14

I'm an eight year old and a 13 year old, so it's a little bit easier now, but when they were younger it was really, really hard, and so sometimes it was for us was making sure the kids had set bedtimes that they always went to bed at 8 pm, so we would have that time at night, whether it was individually, together or a combination. So those are little ways that you can build that into your day-to-day and still have time for yourself.

Genny Perez: 12:36

Do you think that it's like a kind of focusing on yourself, your sanity, that it's kind of like your foundation, of like your go back to, like your reset? Would you say it?

Elvira Decuir: 12:47

like that. Absolutely, it's resetting, it's carving out time for self, because a lot of times when we are busy working moms or busy stay-at-home mom or juggling a personal business or working for a company, we don't manage our time in a way for ourselves, right, because we're so busy giving and doing for others. And those of you that have maybe been married for a while or have been in a season of kids for a while may realize that there are times where you may have lost yourself for a bit, where you forgot what was important to you, what you like to do, what your hobbies were, and you put those on hold so you could give to your kids and you can give to your husband, but then we don't carve out the time to give back to ourselves and if not, you're depleted. And how can you continue to give? You need to fill yourself up, your personal self up, so you can continue to give and do all the things. And so I just find that quiet time, also with God, for me and my faith, is very important to prioritize that.

Genny Perez: 13:48

So to kind of kind of tie in on that, I always think of the example every time we go. We are reminded of this when we're on a flight with our kids, right, what happens if you're sitting by a child? The first thing that they go is they say, ma'am, you're going to put that mask on you first. Go is they say, ma'am, you're going to put that mask on you first. If we were to lose air pressure, put that mask on your oxygen. I should say in the plane, you put it on you first and then them. And there's so much wisdom to that. If that makes sense, right, you're perfectly right. How can I pour into somebody else? How can I give somebody else 100% when I don't even have 100%, right, where, as if I put 100% in myself or 110 in myself, well, guess what I have overflow to give, right? So much truth to that. And can I tell you an example?

Elvira Decuir: 14:34

like yesterday, because we have. I don't know about you guys, but it's Groundhog's Day every weekend for me. I can't stand messy houses, but I know during the week.

Elvira Decuir: 14:44

Everyone contributes to it, right? I'll say that it's hard to just keep it clean, so we always reset every weekend and so just going through the house and cleaning and doing different things, and I was so frustrated because I'm just like I know I reorganized this. This is like now the 10th time and I, like you, just get exhausted because it's on top of all the other things. And then I was like, after we did most of the cleaning, because no one likes the cleaning, everyone contributes to the mess, no one likes to clean it. But I ended up going towards the end. I was like I got to go for a bit and so I just did some retail therapy.

Genny Perez: 15:18

Like I just went out to TJ Maxx.

Elvira Decuir: 15:20

Yeah, and that took my mind off of the stress of the house and I just enjoyed like buying things. So, whatever your little guilty pleasure might be, go to get ice cream. Sometimes you just need to pause and say I need a quick break before I bite everyone's heads off Correct?

Genny Perez: 15:46

Yeah, I've been there, I've. I see you as somebody I wouldn't say make it, making it, but like somebody who has always strived to achieve goals and, as a mom, has your idea of making it or your and I maybe change that from making it your goals. Have your goals changed now that you're a mom?

Elvira Decuir: 16:06

goals. Have your goals changed now that you're a mom? For sure, I think, just as I've matured and grown, goals have changed. I think I would say that I have like the big star goals or the big dream goals, right is I wanted to be, you know, successful in my career and in life. When I think about the life I wanted to live and provide our kids and be able to leave a legacy for them, so those are still like the northern star for me.

Elvira Decuir: 16:35

But I think, throughout this journey, I'm sure my goals have like where I may have accomplished them professionally, or there's some that I have not accomplished and I went on a different path than maybe I intended. So it's like, okay, well, given the reality of the situation today, where am I going next? Right, and so I do find some value in sitting down and thinking through, like, where do I want to be in five years? What's important to me? What does success look like to me? Because it's going to look different to everybody what you're measuring yourself against. I just wouldn't measure yourself against another person, right, because you don't know what their fitting is, what they've done, what sacrifices they've made to get where they're at or to get where they want to go. But really just think to yourself and if you're married and you have a spouse, having that like, think personally, like what are my personal goals? And then talk with your spouse what are our collective goals?

Elvira Decuir: 17:25

that we want to achieve as a married couple, when we think future and take it in bite sizes five years, 10 years and where I think there's a lot of power is taking the time to write it down. Write it down and with me being a person of faith, I love to write it down and pray over it. And then it's amazing to see, as those prayers are answered, that we can celebrate, whether they're small wins or big. And I think it's important too, to have a balanced approach of small wins or goals right and some bigger, long-term ones right, because it's a journey, it's not a race, it's not a sprint. You're not going to get there tomorrow, but there are some maybe short wins or along the path right that you can mark off and, you know, celebrate, as I mentioned, be happy with your journey and what you've achieved.

Genny Perez: 18:13

I love how you talk about writing it down and I haven't really talked about this, but you know, whenever I read or when I have my time of meditation and there's something that I want to remember, I write it down, I take it out, I take it out and I put it in a little notebook that I have. And the reason why is because, if not, if it's not written down like did it even happen? Am I going to remember it? Nine times out of 10, I don't, and I do that same thing here in the office where, if it's not written down, it didn't happen. And because I don't trust my memory, like I don't trust the fact that I'm going to be able to do that.

Genny Perez: 18:49

And I think that's so important to remember when we're talking about what is important to us and it's also a measure, especially when you're writing and you're looking back on. You know stuff that you've written five years ago, 10 years ago and for some cases, some of us more than that you get to see the growth that you've experienced in that time when looking back. So writing it down is so important and even just even if it's just taking your phone and just putting something that you see or hear or want to remember. Write it down. That's so key.

Elvira Decuir: 19:20

Well, I'll say before I go into that yes, 100%. I am keeping single-handedly keeping sticky notes in business because I use that a lot as well as a journal and I do type things down if I'm working. But I believe I've read before that there's some sort of scientific connection between our writing it down, like with our brain, that makes it stick. So if any of you guys have mommy brain, like I do, to your point, without writing it down, it's really hard to stay focused on, like these are the goals I set and also being able to track your progress through your journey. The other thing I was going to talk through is one of the things that I struggle, you know, being a working mom, trying to start a business, a couple times wife and all those things is I was just sharing this this week at our life group is sometimes I feel stuck between like two worlds. Sometimes I feel stuck between like two worlds and what I mean by that is I do feel that there is like pressure, whether that's pressure I put on myself or I feel the pressure as a mom is to provide, you know, a certain life or be successful in life, meaning you know it's expensive to live right and to be able to have a home, and you think future college. And you know it's expensive to live right and to be able to have a home. And you think future college. And you know I've heard people that didn't plan for that and the stress of them thinking how we're going to pay for college. And then thinking about one thing that I'm experienced, especially for those that are in the I forget what they call it, but the like sandwich generation, where you're taking care of your kids and potentially your parents really difficult place to be and I want to plan in advance so that my kids don't have the additional stress or burden of trying to take care of us financially. And so all those things require money and you have to work to get money and you don't just get the money that you want, you have to work and, like if you're working in the corporate world, you have to work yourself up into different positions, right? Each title has additional responsibilities but additional pay, and so that's part of a driver for me is I think about the things that I want to be able to provide for my kids, for my family, for us in the future of the life I want to live and so a lot of my effort goes into that right, which is my job, and so a lot of my effort goes into that right, which is my job.

Elvira Decuir: 21:41

Um, but on the flip side too, when I think from a and this is obviously a personal testimony but when I think about my faith and my relationship with the lord jesus christ, and I think about how all those things like don't matter in the end, but I'm like, but I want to be put know, the planful side of me, the side of me that likes to prepare and be in control, is like no, but I need to do this, this, this and this and this.

Elvira Decuir: 22:06

And then sometimes I'm like wait, but am I working harder than I need to? If I just enjoyed where I was at? And, yes, make wise choices, save money, don't, you know, run up credit and do all these things that I don't need? Right, be fiscally responsible. But I have the time with my kids, with my husband, with myself, with God, and I give it over to him and watch him grow and be obedient and watch him grow and bless my life in all these different ways. Like that makes sense, Right, but it's hard because my head goes immediately to the like the world that I'm living in and the now and the pressures, and so I do struggle and sometimes that's like we talked about earlier evaluating where am I at now. Like it's time I need to reset because I'm getting too invested in these things and I'm burning myself out.

Genny Perez: 22:54

Yeah, and here, here, here's, here's kind of where I check myself on that end. I check myself on that end from time to time because it is, we do have the pressures. We'd have the pressures of wanting to be. I heard you say perfect. I heard you say material, right, material things, because that's the way our culture is. But when I check myself a lot of times, because I have to remember, I kind of do the reverse and I think of my kids. Does the fact that I, the type of house that I live in, do they care? No, does the type of car that I drive, do they care? No? The fact that you know I have their college money set aside more than they may or may not go, do they care? No. I mean, yes, we're being responsible. Those are good things to have.

Genny Perez: 23:46

But I think sometimes, to take that pressure off of myself, I'll ask myself those questions Like does this matter to them? If it doesn't matter to them, why should I put such a pressure on myself for it to matter to me and affect my life towards them? So and this is part of our growth here at Sparky and Radiance too, we've talked about this before it's like constantly evolving and reminding ourselves of like, the pressures that we feel. Sometimes we put them on ourselves right, when they really don't matter. They really don't. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter, it's silly. Some of the pressures, the conversations I think is what I'm trying to say the conversations that we have with ourselves and where we think and where we think we need to be, and I think just the pressures that I'm being open about and talking about it, right, that's so important.

Genny Perez: 24:37

But I will say that you are somebody that definitely in all of the seasons in our friendship together because we've been through a lot of seasons and I think in our seasons, you are definitely somebody that I've turned to because I think we think alike. We think alike in the sense of that perfectionism and that striving for more, and that you know just us going and wanting to achieve all of these goals, but then again living that second life of like but wait a minute, I'm a mom now Like I have to also report to them and and things like that. But I like I love that you're sharing about that, because that is a lot of us. That is a lot of us that kind of have that dual life of like. Let me put this hat on and let me be this and let me go home and I have to change right. And what tools or what things do you think that you've done recently that may be able to help people when they feel those feelings of like living that dual life? I think?

Elvira Decuir: 25:34

one thing is.

Elvira Decuir: 25:40

I think one thing is I love talking with friends like good friends, right Like yourself, that are going to be honest with you and just like talk you off the edge and bring you back to like the world right, and so I think it's great if you have a friend, a family member or someone that you can confide in, to just share and release, like all the things that are currently been bogging you down or you're struggling with.

Elvira Decuir: 26:02

That will help give you those gentle reminders of balance and caring for yourself. And one of the things, too, that sometimes pops in my mind is like are you happy? There's so many people in this world that are not happy, and if you're spending all this time doing these things yet you don't have joy in your life, you don't have love or it's run you ragged and you're empty, then I think it's time for you to take a step back and reevaluate what's important, because I've heard of people having way less that are happy and joyful, and so it's considering what's heard of people having way less that are happy and joyful, right, and so it's considering what's going to bring you joy. Someone asked me that for a potential like opportunity for a job, and he just said what makes you happy.

Genny Perez: 26:47

What brings you joy?

Elvira Decuir: 26:48

Yeah, and I was like no one's ever asked me that for a job, Especially for a job right.

Genny Perez: 26:53

Yeah, because they're usually like what can you do for me Exactly?

Elvira Decuir: 26:57

And I love that question so much because it brought in the human aspect of work, and work a lot of time is about people and serving people. So you could take that same like philosophy in your life and ask yourself what makes me happy or what would make me happy.

Elvira Decuir: 27:10

Or maybe it's been so long that you've been happy that you have to think back and say, wow, what were my most joyful moment and what was it about those moments that were joyful? And try to bring that back into your life and recreate, because that's more important than achieving this right Is having the joy back in your heart, in your life, that you have the ability to pour into others. I was listening to something recently and I love this. I'm trying to think what it was from, but they said be a fountain and not a what was it? Be a fountain to others and not a drain. Ooh, I like that. That was so deep. I like that. I think it was in the movie Forge. If you haven't seen the movie Forge, it was amazing. No, I have not. But that, pour into others. Like so, so, but, and don't be a drain. So, anyways, fill yourself back up other tools and resources.

Elvira Decuir: 28:01

I would say, outside of finding, like, your happy place and what gives you joy, um is build a plan, you know, and step. Sometimes you don't know where to start or how to start um, and it's as simple as like one foot in front of the other. Yeah, you just have to be thoughtful and full and maybe that's it. Maybe in your, your life, you're running, running, running and going and you haven't taken the time to sit down and say what is it I'm looking to accomplish or I feel I need to accomplish, and what are those steps to get there? And if you don't know, reach out to a friend or do some research, find a book, find a podcast like this one where others have gone before you and can maybe impart that wisdom, find a mentor. Or maybe you're in a place where you need to start with therapy.

Elvira Decuir: 28:44

You just need someone to talk to and you've been through some really traumatic experiences and those are blockers for you and those are holding you back from experiencing your full potential, and so those are a couple of thoughts that come to mind.

Genny Perez: 28:59

Yeah, and to kind of tie into that. I also think of like getting quiet with yourself. I think sometimes we can hear different things with just silencing everything else around us, like there's so much power to that. Shut it all off, because then we're left with what we really are. We're thinking, I think of myself, of like in a wilderness, like what would I do for fun in a wilderness, like you know, like I would have time to actually think about it, I would have time to actually hear myself or hear my spiritual side kind of pouring into me as well, like this is what I have to listen to. But yeah, definitely kind of getting into that quiet time, jen can.

Elvira Decuir: 29:36

Can I say I feel too, um, if you're someone that religiously like listens to social media or watches like tv and definitely take breaks build in what do they have it? Um, uh, maybe you need to like do a cleanse challenge yourself.

Genny Perez: 29:56

For some of us we can like me, half the time I don't know where my phone is, right, but I know people that are glued to their phone. So maybe start with an hour, 10 minutes, like whatever it is, and build upon that right. It just takes a little bit of stuff. But, yeah, a 24-hour cleanse kind of like hey, no phone, no television. Really allow yourself to kind of cleanse itself and to think clearly yeah, because I think all those things have a lot of distractions.

Elvira Decuir: 30:23

Right, you're on social media and everyone has the perfect life and the cleanest houses and you know all the sparkly things, um, and it's really. They're snapshots, right, correct? You don't see the tears. You don't see, um, you know the marital fights and arguments, the kids throwing food all over it. Like. You don't see the tears. You don't see. You know the marital fights and arguments, the kids throwing food all over. Like. You don't see all the chaotic moments.

Genny Perez: 30:42

Or you don't see the team behind their cooking in their kitchen, but there's like full on team behind them that have chopped up everything already, that are going to clean the kitchen as well to make that perfect meal you know, or to end the person who did their hair and makeup as well.

Elvira Decuir: 30:58

Right and so it's easy to compare. I know you talked about that on a prior podcast was comparing ourselves, and we don't need that fake competition right. It's really about thinking about our family and ourselves and what's important, and so sometimes we might need to just cut off some of those things that are distracting us or causing us to doubt ourselves or question ourselves and just focus in and have a good team around you, a friends and support.

Genny Perez: 31:31

What is your hope for your kids? What do you hope that your kids take away from you with you pursuing? Are you doing what you're doing?

Elvira Decuir: 31:38

A lot of times I just want them to see my example and their dad's example of just being disciplined or hard workers, positive contributors to society, but also, you know, loving and caring and giving them all the tools that they need to be successful and navigate this world Like. Being a parent is a hard job, right. We're responsible for how these little beings turn out to me and what kind of humans they are in this world, whether they're going to be fountains or drains, right. So I don't take that lightly and sometimes I'm reminded in those quiet moments we talked about earlier, that and this kind of convicts me and changes my viewpoint is that being a mom in and of itself is a ministry, and I can't forget how powerful and how important that ministry is to pour into my kids, Because before you know it, they're older and they're gone, right.

Elvira Decuir: 32:38

And so I really take a lot of responsibility in saying, okay, I've got to show them how to clean, I've got to show them how to cook so that they can and I have these conversations with them all the time is like you've got to be able to take care of yourself, You've got to be able in the future to contribute and help with your wife and help take care of your household. And I want them to have goals and I want them to aspire. And I let me say this, I don't necessarily care what they choose to do, I just want them to be happy, do it joyfully and be able to contribute right to their family and take care of their families. That's really what's most important to me. I don't put pressures on them that they've got to be a doctor, be a lawyer or make this much, but I do let them Can I pause you there?

Genny Perez: 33:26

Can I kind of dig into that a little?

Elvira Decuir: 33:28

bit.

Genny Perez: 33:32

Sure, sure, you have the pressures for yourself. Why do you think that is? I heard you say you know that you want them to be happy, but then I also heard you say but I'm trying to find my happy, so why not have that for?

Elvira Decuir: 33:46

yourself. I think I feel that at this time of my life, like I and I want to say I don't do it alone. Right, it's in partnership with my husband, but I feel that we are responsible for building, I guess, this life right.

Genny Perez: 34:01

And what the future.

Elvira Decuir: 34:02

Um, I mentioned earlier about being in this space of in between raising kids and also like taking care of parents, and I um had to navigate the age that my parents are at, the needs that they have right, and it's challenging when they don't have a um like finances or a plan right, and you feel that burden and trying to figure out how can I do this. And so I think part of it is me wanting to plan for the future, for not only my kids but also for us and what our life is going to be like and making sure we can take care of themselves. And that just requires a plan, it requires money and it requires hard work. And also I don't plan on working until forever and I don't want to be in a situation where I retire and I got to go back to work or I have to work at, you know, take on a job because I have to.

Elvira Decuir: 34:54

So part of me working hard now is to save the money to realize the sort of life that we'd like to at retirement. And so I don't know, I've always been a very driven person, I agree, you know, since I was young, so that's never left me. Part of it is just part of my personality and who I am the A-type like driven sort of person that loves to, like, accomplish things. Even then, I mean, I haven't set, I haven't met all the goals that I had for myself and thought. And that doesn't mean I'm not happy, I definitely have.

Elvira Decuir: 35:30

I feel like I have a blessed life in a lot of ways what we're able to do, what we can afford to do and the experiences that we've been able to create, whether it's through traveling or spending time and I know not everyone has that time. I was blessed and I had some sacrifices and setbacks for sure. Like even getting here, there was in my career major, like I feel, step back and sacrifice so that I could focus on balancing both. I stayed in a job like a really, really long time.

Elvira Decuir: 36:01

Well, I say really long, it's like seven or eight years, but it felt long from a career perspective because people switch jobs every two years to have that growth, because the position gave me the flexibility to be mom, to work, but also be there for the Christmas play, for the field trip, for their know at school and all those different things, and so that was like a sacrifice or a trade off right when maybe I didn't move as fast up in my career as I would have liked to, but it gave me the flexibility. And so I don't know if I have a solid answer as to like the why. All I could say is it's part of my personality and the other part is just thinking for the future and wanting to be planful, of being able to take care of ourselves and not put that pressure on our kids.

Elvira Decuir: 36:57

But, also being able to provide our kids with, you know, a decent life. But I think, too, part of this might be just being Americans.

Genny Perez: 37:10

Yeah, what we value right here, right yeah, versus other countries and you know the values are are totally different. And say that you know, having experienced that recently with my kids, like we, we drove through areas where there were families that lived in shacks. They, they were one bedroom shacks and we had to explain to our children like everyone lives in that room, but yet you would see them walking around because they didn't have vehicles. But they were walking around and they were so happy and so joyful and that didn't matter to them. The fact that they were together mattered to them. So you're right, it could be something here. We were kind of talking off record here, but one of the things I want to point out is that Alvira is probably one of the most responsible adults that I know. Like, retirement is covered, mortgages are covered, insurance is covered. I mean, I, I and I say that respectfully, like, honestly, like I think you are probably, again, like I say, the most responsible person I know. And what do you attribute that to? Again, we're going back to just being prepared.

Elvira Decuir: 38:18

Obviously like a lot of the stuff I had to learn, like I didn't have parents that were what I would call fiscally responsible um that knew like, could give me guidance on 401k or things like that.

Elvira Decuir: 38:34

I've learned through mistakes, through um adversity, through challenges, and it just drove me to want to do my own research and learn more. So something about me is I love learning new things and so I know a lot like a little bit about a lot of different things, and so, when you think about planning for the future, I started really late. I heard of the 401K. I started in my 20s with my first job putting money in a 401K, but my attitude was at a certain point when things got difficult financially and I lost my job in 2008 due to I was working in a mortgage financing business as a business development manager, so B2B sales and when the mortgage crash happened, my company went out of business, so I was without a job and if I think back at certain periods of time, I was like, ooh, I can't put money away for something like 40 years from now when I need the money today. Then I started learning from other people about the value of putting money away and

Elvira Decuir: 39:38

it growing and compounding interest, and I was like no one told me about that. I remember hearing Susie Orman once saying did you know that at the age I think she said 25, if you put $100 away in like a 401k every month, that by the time you were retirement age you would have over a million dollars, simple. Yet no one told me that I had no idea. So there's, I guess, as I've been in different networks and met different people through work and different organizations that have inspired me. They've inspired me to research and learn more, and so I guess I've kind of made it my own internal mission to know more than what maybe my parents knew so that.

Elvira Decuir: 40:22

I could impart that on my kids, I could better prepare, but also that I could share with, like other people, some of my learnings, and that's how we help each other grow.

Genny Perez: 40:31

Exactly. Yeah, and that's that is probably like when I say that you are financially responsible, but also in all in other areas of your life and I I know there have been times myself where I knew that I can trust your research because I didn't, I didn't have the time and energy for it, but I was like, let me ask her because I know she's done the research and that is a great trait to have, but also it's a great trait to share, right? Because I'm sure you've not only done that with me, but I'm sure anybody else around you. You've impacted them as well. So what advice would you give your younger self? And you can pick an age, and when I say younger self, go back about 10 years plus 15, 20 years. I mean, go back as far as you want, but think of that little girl, Think of that teenager, think of that 20 something, Elvira. What advice would you give her, knowing what you know now? That's a great question.

Elvira Decuir: 41:33

I feel like there's so many things that I would tell her about different things that I've learned along the way. So when I think of like working a job in corporate America, a couple of things that come to mind that I would tell my younger self is always be your biggest advocate. Never rely on anyone else to be able to convey what your superpowers are, what you bring to the table of a sponsor in the corporate setting versus like a mentor and to you know. Build that organic, authentic relationship with someone that could eventually be your sponsor. And you know, sometimes in work you have to take the bull by the horns and have your like understand what your brand is and what you want people to know.

Elvira Decuir: 42:23

That elevator speech, right? Oh yeah, so that when you have an opportunity to walk in a room with different people or network that they walk away with an impression that you want them to have. And also something one of my mentors shared with me that stuck with me and still does is pie performance, imaging and exposure, and you work on every aspect of that. Right, your performance is what you bring to the table, but it's actually the smallest percent of what matters when it comes to your upward mobility within a company.

Genny Perez: 42:55

That's true, and we think that it's actually performance right. We think that it's the numbers.

Elvira Decuir: 42:58

Yeah, For me that was what I thought for the longest time, and I missed out on the opportunity to build my network, and so just your exposure right, and what people think of you, or whether it's from afar or close, what was the?

Genny Perez: 43:11

I again image, image okay how people perceive you and how you show up. So pi, so performance.

Elvira Decuir: 43:18

I is image and E is exposure, exposure so, from a corporate perspective, learning that and understanding that, once I understood it, then putting it into play was actually very powerful and building the right connections with people Authentic, right, but building those right connections.

Elvira Decuir: 43:35

So eventually I did get a sponsor that opened the door for me, that allowed my growth. I also learned that in that is that you want to have advocates for you when you're not in the room, and so that's why having those relationships are important. From a personal perspective, some of the things that I would share is just hey, life definitely has its ups and downs right.

Elvira Decuir: 44:00

And you can't measure your success on the valleys right or when things aren't the best, because it's normal part of life, I think, to experience hills and valleys right, and so it's just having the tools and resources to navigate the support system that's important. To have meaningful relationships like ours that I value and I have a few other friends that I've just been friends with for a long time and having that support system but also in my husband and in my with my siblings, like having great relationships with them. Be honest with yourself and consistently check in, check in and see where like we talked about earlier, where do we have more room to grow? What are some of our goals? What is the short-term and long-term plan in achieving the things that we'd like to, but also balancing that with making sure the journey is joyful, right and whether you love to eat out, which I do love, If you like to travel, which I love as well like balancing those things in as well. I think everybody has their thing that they like to spend money on.

Elvira Decuir: 45:09

So determining what that thing is and making sure that you mix that in along. Like I do believe in work hard, play hard. So, although you see me work hard.

Genny Perez: 45:17

I do make sure that I play hard. That is true. I will say yeah. A lot of times I'm like, hey, can we meet up?

Elvira Decuir: 45:33

You're like, oh times. I'm like, hey, can we meet up? You're like, oh, I'm going here. I'm going here. What was your last one? To Tulum? Yeah, it was amazing, Amazing, but yes, anything else. I tell my younger self that is such a hard question.

Genny Perez: 45:37

Jen, I hope I've given some valuable insights and I think I think we'll park it there.

Genny Perez: 45:40

I think I think we we will continue.

Genny Perez: 45:44

They will have a part two. For sure, I do want to thank you for taking some time to sit with me here and we're sitting actually in my office and we're sitting on my I actually call this my therapy couch because a lot of times I have people come into my office and they'll just kind of, you know, and I want to create that space for those people as well, where they feel they can share, and I love that it's here that we were able to do that and I want to thank you for supporting me on this. You know passion that I have this calling, that I've been felt to lead on with the Sparking Radiance, but I know that my community that do listen. They are thankful that you took this time here with us and I thank you for your friendship throughout the years. We have definitely been through some seasons together and I love the work that has been done in and through you and I'm so excited to see the work that will continue to be done in and through you, alvara.

Elvira Decuir: 46:45

So thanks for having me and I just love your podcast. I thank you for having me on here to share and I hope the time is valuable to the listeners that somebody walks away with some nuggets and some aha moments and I'm just so excited for you and Sparking radiance and really hope and pray that it blossoms and continues to grow and you'll continue shine bright.

Genny Perez: 47:12

You've been an amazing friend so I appreciate you, thank you, thank you, and where can people find you? Okay.

Elvira Decuir: 47:17

So if you're on LinkedIn, you can find me under Elvira DeCure E-L-V-I-R-A last name D as in David, e-c as in cat, u-i-r. Okay, If you're on Instagram, you can find me under DeCure, underscore home, underscore styling and connect with me there.

Genny Perez: 47:39

Look forward to hearing from you guys. Yes, thank you, elvira. I'm so excited to have you on again. Thanks, jen. Thank you, alvira, I'm so excited to have you on again. Thanks, jen, you hear that clap. That's me cheering you on for completing another episode. I don't know about you, but, man, that was quick. If you like what you heard, hit the subscribe button or share the episode with someone. You think that might need a little spark and help us grow by leaving a review. Remember, keep sparking that radiance from within Until next time. Shine on.